Go the f*ck to sleep


I’ve been on quite the blogging hiatus. In the past 16 months since I last wrote I have become a mother- woohoo. I have also spent *a lot* of time reading mummy blogs, normally after googling something like “baby green poo” “will baby die if it doesn’t sleep?” “Is it normal for a baby to cry?” etc. etc. I thought I would add an element of parenting to my blog. Especially as we plan to bring her up as vegan.

C is now 4 and a half months and she’s great even though I haven’t had a full night’s sleep in 4 and a half months. There’s an ‘amusing’ book/poem to make parents feel better about their non sleeping offspring called ‘Go the f*ck to sleep’ – you might have heard of it. Full transcript can be found here:


I read it to C. She did *not* go to sleep but, clever little sausage, rewrote it in response. I thought I would share it here:

The cats nestle close to their kittens,

The lambs have laid down with the sheep,

Where do you think you are going?

Shouldn’t you be cuddling me?

The windows are dark in the town,

I know you would like some rest,

I swear I will drift off soon,

If you promise I will never be left.

The eagles who soar through the sky are at rest,

And the doves who no longer coo,

If I say I am thirsty will you give me a drink?

Then I can be closer to you.

The wind whispers soft through the grass, mum,

It’s ages until it gets light,

Thirty more minutes is all that I ask,

Please make me feel everything’s alright.

The room is drifting away now,

As I know in your arms I will stay,

Cuddled up for the rest of the night,

Waking together for a new day.

Bleary and dazed I awaken,

To find you here no more,

Tomorrow I’ll have one eye open,

You’d best not go out that f*cking door.